The Art of Award Show Mediocrity

02 November 2009
by Art Rubynstein

Linda Yablonsky, Mary Heilmann, James Franco

Once upon a time, Rob Pruitt had an unflinching dream. While watching the telecast of the Oscars (or MTV Movie Awards or Latin Grammy honors or very prestigious Daytime Emmys) he thought to himself: Why shouldn’t the art folks have the same democratic opportunities to make self-indulgent acceptance speeches and shamelessly borrow tuxedos and clutches during THAT time of the year? After all, everyone likes to win something or at least be nominated for something whether they work in the Senate or at the suburban Burger King. So, Pruitt’s productive realization of The First Annual Art Awards is certainly admirable. On Thursday, he brought the very first event of its kind to Guggenheim while Calvin Klein Collection sponsored. We could have had an informal ceremony at a local YMCA funded by Nabisco.

So the fitting stage was set: Guggenheim lobby looked as good as ever, and Calvin PR powers invited Julianne Moore and Kylie Minogue, making everyone in the room feel that something genuinely important was about to happen. Since the fashion sponsor took care of that whole red carpet thing, all was needed was the actual content and script for the actual honors. And that’s where the problems began. Pruitt apparently watched too many of these shindigs in his spare time, because his Art Awards were infiltrated with so many clichés, it wasn’t clear whether we sitting through an art event or Pruitt’s daily Oscar shower fantasy.

It was decided that any award show needs a host, a teleprompter, and some lively presenter banter. Co-hosts Delusional Downtown Divas opened the show with Pruitt in a monologue so flat and sad, no one bothered to listen. The problem was that half of the room was facing a giant teleprompter for the duration of the dinner, so the organizers’ lame prose was inescapable for the whole evening. Broadcasting your own failures is never smart. What’s worse, all of the winners were announced on screen seconds before the presenters struggled to read their names aloud from the prompter, which in turn suffocated any possible shock upset suspense. That of course didn’t prevent Tony Shafrazi from making making his acceptance speech as long as a TCM film.

And just when we thought we were done with those painfully hipster Delusional Downtown Divas, they came back again and again in a form of self-indulgent and long-winded videos that only wasted everyone’s time in strategic, six minute portions. There was also a gratuitous band performance (during which the waiters decided to get the whole room drunk) and a ‘curated’ dinner which felt more like an acceptable one and half course meal at B-level restaurant.

But even amidst all the stereotypical silliness, there were few genuinely pleasant winner moments. Cynthia Plaster Caster and Best New Artist honoree Ryan Trecartin seemed truly thrilled on the podium. Caster recalled her crazy groupie days, Trecartin chocked up, and deserving Best Writer victor Jerry Saltz got some bona fide applause from otherwise confused room. Unfortunately, the trio and everyone else whose name was called was punished with a trophy so ugly that it was almost more soothing to stay at your seat and chow down so-so beef brisket than win and deal with an atrocious champagne/lampshade mutant. You would think, that this being an art thing and all at least the statue would be at top form. No, sadly the Razzie is prettier.

But was the most pitiful part of the evening? The inexplicable “In Memoriam” section that organizers decided to indulge us all in during the VERY first ceremony. We’re pretty sure that’s a record. Let’s just say a lot of drivers were summoned during those bizarre six and half minutes of melancholy music and dead people. And then the Artist of the Year award went to Mary Heilmann (as chosen by 600 voting bankers and artists), while snubbed Damien Hirst had a nice night of sleep somewhere in London. Let’s just hope that the next year’s ceremony will be reconsidered and fixes will be made. Otherwise Rob Pruitt will need to have his very own “In Memoriam of Art Awards” vigil at some local bar.

First Annual Art Awards Winners:

Artist of the Year
Winner: Mary Heilmann
Louise Bourgeois
Urs Fischer
Dan Graham

Curator of the Year
Winner: Connie Butler
Klaus Biesenbach
Daniel Birnbaum
Massimiliano Gioni

Exhibition Outside the United States
Winner: Jeff Koons, Versailles, Château de Versailles, France
Francis Bacon, Tate Britain, London
Mike Kelley: Educational Complex Onwards, 1995–2008, Wiels Contemporary Art Centre, Brussels
Wolfgang Tillmans: Lighter, Hamburger Bahnhof, Museum für Gegenwart, Berlin

Group Show of the Year, Gallery
Winner: Who’s Afraid of Jasper Johns? Tony Shafrazi Gallery, New York
A Twilight Art, Harris Lieberman, New York
Your Gold Teeth II, Marianne Boesky Gallery, New York
ZERO in New York, Sperone Westwater, New York

Group Show of the Year, Museum
Winner: The Pictures Generation, 1974–1984, Metropolitan Museum of Art, New York
After Nature, New Museum, New York
The Quick and the Dead, Walker Art Center, Minneapolis
WACK! Art and the Feminist Revolution, P.S. 1 Contemporary Art Center, Long Island City, New York

New Artist of the Year
Winner: Ryan Trecartin
Elad Lassry
Daniel McDonald
Marlo Pascual

The Rob Pruitt Award
Winner: Cynthia Plaster Caster

Solo Show of the Year, Gallery
Winner: Manzoni: A Retrospective, Gagosian Gallery, New York
Cindy Sherman, Metro Pictures, New York
Paul Sharits, Greene Naftali Gallery, New York
Picasso: Mosqueteros, Gagosian Gallery, New York

Solo Show of the Year, Museum
Winner: Martin Kippenberger: The Problem Perspective, Museum of Contemporary Art, Los Angeles, and Museum of Modern Art, New York
Dan Graham: Beyond, Museum of Contemporary Art, Los Angeles, and Whitney Museum of American Art, New York
Lawrence Weiner: As Far as the Eye Can See, Museum of Contemporary Art, Los Angeles, and Whitney Museum of American Art, New York
Live Forever: Elizabeth Peyton, New Museum, New York

Writer of the Year
Winner: Jerry Saltz
Tim Griffin
John Kelsey
Walter Robinson

IMAGES: © BILLY FARRELL and JP PULLOS/PatrickMcMullan.com