Vanity Fair satires and imagines the "greatest Basel party of all time."

Marina Abramović on Man on Wire, Dr. Ruth, and her art power ranking.

Art Basel in Miami Beach isn’t what is used to be. It used to be a nice little four-day excursion to South Beach during an off-season, pre-holiday week in the city. Schedule used to be fairly straightforward: beach or pool in the morning, strolls through the fairs in the afternoon, some quiet dinner or cocktail in the evening. Elder collectors used to adore this itinerary. This year’s Basel in Miami has established itself as marketing Godzilla that’s now more reminiscent of LA Grammy gifting suites or New York Fashion Week. Is that a good thing? It might be if you love open bars, 2 AM after-after parties, aggressive hotel doors and cameos by Diddy and his security entourage. This time around, it seemed like everyone was either planning something at Basel, hosting something at Basel, or attending at least 4 or 5 events a night for friends who’re hosting or planning something. This year’s random event coterie encompassed a Bing art opening for some Beverly Hills 90210 actress, a Russell Simmons hosted brunch, a Tiffany’s Dinner starring Ivana Trump. Then we had fashion pop up-shops (not all art related), hotel marketing ploys, alcohol initiatives, and that’s just the tip of the party hell iceberg. No event (good or bad) was seemingly off-limits to the dozens of hungry crashers or curious tourists from Minneapolis. New York crasher Shaggy had a wonderful week in Miami. Every major hotel was flocked with events (with W or SoHo Beach house hosting up to 5 a night) and with crazies who were dreaming to take a picture with Nicky Hilton. In short, this wasn’t your 2005 Basel with nightly dinners at Casa Tua and a nice little V Magazine party after. Basel in Miami is now a monster that was credited by many to revitalizing the relevance of the South Beach’s art and fashion scene. However this year’s scary giant seemed very destructive and very vodka thirsty.